


Shaking Hands

by Gadhar



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lee's got feels, M/M, techinically first kiss, unnamed dead guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 14:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2313197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've had it before. You fight so hard you think something broke. Well, lemme tell you something, alright?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shaking Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I watched _Rocky V_ and this happened? I don't really know. But I just watched the movie and started writing this. Banged it out on the notepad of my phone without stopping (well, except to watch _Dallas_ ). So, they're somehow connected. Rocky and the Expendables, I mean. Not Rocky and Dallas. And I mean other than Stallone. And I really mean Rocky and this particular fic rather than the Expendables as a whole and I don't know what I'm saying.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Me owns nothing.

Lee stares past his hands, at the ground, feels the ground rumble even though nothing shakes. Nothing moves. 

He looks back at his hands and they're still shaking. He can't get them to stop. 

It wasn't like this was the first teammate he'd ever lost. The first brother. And this isn't even the first time he's ever felt guilt. It's just- 

He lost him. Someone who was closer than anyone else. A friend. A brother. A- another piece of his puzzle. The puzzle of his life and his heart. 

He stares at his shaking hands and wills them to stop, whatever it takes. 

Whatever that means. 

It's why he ends up at Ross's that night. Barney's, he corrects himself. The man kept telling him to call him Barney. Barney Ross. Ross. It rolls off his tongue easily. But it feels funny. Like there's something missing from the way he says it. Like he's not curling his tongue right or pitching his voice right. Or something. 

It's always _or something._

He knocks on the door, hands clenched tight inside his coat pockets. They're still shaking. 

"Uh...wha- Hey, Lee," Ross says as he opens the door, leaning against the door frame. 

Lee just stands there, staring at the ground and shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

"You need something?" 

No. 

Yes. 

Maybe. 

He doesn't fucking know. 

Lee waffles, parts of him pulling in different directions. Do this, do that, do everything. 

He can't remember why he came here. 

Why did he-? 

"Lee?" 

Lee lurches forward, feels the softness of Barney's hair for a moment before he strangles the strands, feels the smoothness of Barney's skull as he brings their lips crashing together. 

They miss the first time, Ross's teeth catching his cheek, cutting a cut, not very deep but Lee can't really tell. 

He doesn't feel as his lips search out Barney's, his hand pushing Barney close even as the mercenary tries to pull away. 

There's hands grabbing at his ears, pushing at his chest, and soft confused growls breathed against his skin but for every bit of space Ross puts between them Lee gains it back, pushes forward. 

He has Barney against the wall, feels skin give under his touch and teeth. His hands shake even as he tangles them in Barney's shirt. 

In that moment he breathes, pushes his nose against Barney's shoulder and watches them, unsteady and worthless. 

In that moment Ross twists them, pushes Lee against the wall until he's biting his cheek, blood flooding his mouth as Ross jumps back and away. 

Lee stands there and hugs the wall, digs in his fingernails until one of them splits. The sharp pain steadies his hand for all of a second. And then they shake again and Lee swears he can hear his bones rattling. 

"Lee?" Ross's voice is soft, warring between being the soothing tone used on wild animals and that of a concerned friend. 

"Sorry," Lee whispers into the wood, picks at it as he mouths the words again, his lips wet. "Sorry." 

"S'okay," Ross says and he sounds closer, somewhere over Lee's right shoulder maybe. 

Lee shakes his head, feels his skin roll against the cool wood and mumbles again. "Sorry." 

"It's okay." Barney murmurs, and he is closer, hand on Lee's shoulder, smoothing tense muscles. "Just caught me by surprise." 

Lee snorts, tries to squirm out from under Barney's hand but it's tight on his shoulder without being painful. So Lee apologizes and wrings his hands together, tries to hide the shaking. 

"It's not every day I get kissed by some pretty doe-eyed kid with the world on his shoulders." 

He's laughing, Lee thinks. Mocking him. 

No. Ross—Barney—wouldn't do that. 

But he doesn't know what to say. Or do. Or why he's here and what Barney wants now that he's gone and fucked up the new friendship he started with this man only a few months ago. 

"I'm just saying it's nice, you know?" Barney's hand shifts on his shoulder, arcs in the middle and Lee can tell he's shrugging. There's probably a crooked smirk tilting his lips too. 

Lee feels the warm breath against the shell of his ear, cool and hot at the same time, sending goosebumps across his skin as Barney says, "What's the matter, Lee?" 

Lee clenches a fist, turns a little towards Barney and sees the smirk fall off his lips. 

"What happened?" 

"Someone died," Lee says, because it's explanation enough. Or maybe it's not because he's seen people die and this is different. 

"I feel...something broke," He tries instead and Barney's face doesn't give him anything; confusion or understanding. 

"It's the hands right?" Barney asks after a moment and he grabs one of Lee's fists, holds it in his hands and runs his thumbs along the ridges of it. 

"They keep shaking on you right?" Barney continues on. "They don't stop, just keep sputtering on like some broke motor, getting you nowhere. Getting in the way of everything." 

Barney keeps catching his eyes, no matter how hard Lee tries to focus on something else. 

Barney slowly works his hand open, smooths his thumbs over it and works the muscles underneath. "I've had it before. You fight so hard you think something broke. Well, lemme tell you something, alright?" 

Barney grabs his other hand, does the same thing after he forces the fist open. 

Lee stands there, taking turns between staring at his and Barney's hands and staring at Barney's face. 

"You ain't broken," Barney says, and he pushes Lee's hands together, trapped between his own two, and presses a kiss to them. His eyes capture and lock Lee's gaze, making it impossible to turn away. 

"Somethin' may have broke, inside, deep down where you can't tell the demons from the angels, where your brain seems to shut down. But you ain't broke. You ain't done nothin' wrong and it ain't your fault. Not their death. Not you living. And not this feeling you got right now. None of it. Okay? That's just life. That's life and how hard it hits." 

Barney goes for another kiss, a simple pass of lips over skin before he drops Lee's hands. 

Lee stares at him for a long moment before looking down at his hands. 

They're not shaking. 

"It stopped," He mutters rather dumbly and hardly notices Barney's hand on the side of his face, finger flicking over the tip of his ear. 

"That's how it goes. It'll all stop. Eventually." 

Lee sniffs and leans against the wall, lets his hands hang limp as he enjoys the feel of Barney's calloused skin against his own. 

It's just a hand but it's calming and it feels like forever since Lee's been able to think about something other than death and shaking hands. Forever and a few hours. 

"Nice, huh?" 

Barney chuckles, his breath tickling Lee's ear as he moves in close. "Very. But, we can do better." And Barney presses his lips to Lee's and it's perfect this time. Lips to lips, soft and slow. 

Barney curls around him, pulls him close and Lee thinks that Barney may even be shaking a little now. 


End file.
